Insecurities

July 5, 2009

This was a first.

They had attempted to avoid this problem, this awkwardness, for a while; even if they were teenagers, they were self-conscious ones at that, and after being made fun of for so long, they began to believe their difficulties would cross over into other areas.

After being jokingly teased about how unfortunate and awkward the positioning would be if they ever decided to sleep with one another, Otani and Risa refused to get close to that area of their relationship. They weren’t ready to face said problem, or even ready to acknowledge that it truly existed. Denial was the best method of dealing with problems.

It didn’t mean, however, that the thought of sex had never crossed either of their minds.

Otani was a young man, full of hormones, who had a knock-out, model-esque girlfriend (even if he never told her so, he figured it was implied–he would sound like a stuttering moron if he attempted to even approach that reasoning and she would get a big head about it).

Regardless, fantasizing about her–and himself, with the added bonus of height–in mature situations didn’t help his frame of mind. It reminded him, while they were getting closer, that the difference existed.

Risa, not far away from Otani’s train of thought, wished for the romantic encounter that would bring them even closer as a couple, solidifying their roller coaster of misunderstandings and verify that they were, in fact, very in love. Sure, relying on the physical aspect of love to solve problems was never wise, but if two people were just frustrated... that could be even worse.

She had heard countless times from Nobu how amazing the experience was, as well as how you earn special points for doing a couple tricks. Risa was given tips and hints on what to do, even if that time was far along down the road (or so she thought).

Now, they laid on Risa’s bed, trying to catch their breaths and piece together the situation and how they had gotten to this point.

“L-Look, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she said, tugging at the end of her ponytail while she averted her eyes away from his. She was currently straddling his waist, slumped, with her head against his. Her breath was hot on his neck as she murmured, and he could feel the heat from their kissing and embarrassment radiating between them.

“Wait, isn’t that supposed to be my line?” he asked, pushing her back a bit as she tried to hide in the crook of his neck. “You’re telling me that I don’t want to... to...”

“You do?”

There was about ten seconds of silence before she felt him shift and nod, looking into her eyes. She felt as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders, but then anxiousness started to wash over her in waves.

“Y-You mean it?”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?” he asked, giving her a look as if she was the queen of an insane asylum.

“Maybe... maybe because I’m a freak show, or a giraffe at the zoo, or a–“

“You’re none of those things, even though you could give a giraffe a run for its money... and you

know I’m kidding when I say those things.”

She nodded, but then said softly, “I’m too tall. Wouldn’t it be weird?”

“How?” He already knew, but hearing her fears about this topic pushed his down.

“Like, height-wise. You can...” she dreaded finishing her sentence, but did so anyway, “make it up there, right?” She cringed, waiting for his outburst.

“If you’re implying what I think you’re implying, I’m going to ignore it.” He paused. “As long as we’re not standing, I don’t see the big deal.”

“Hm, good point. But... even if you are short–getting taller–I could be better. I could... I could have bigger breasts, more meat on my bones–”

“Why are you getting more self-conscious, now? I could be more muscular, I could be taller... we both have faults that are in no way our faults.” He tightened his grasp around her waist. “Now, what do you say? Are we going to keep coming up with excuses or...”

The end of his sentence was never uttered, her lips capturing his in a searing kiss. Besides their names, a worried “are you alright?” and “amazing, amazing” every so often, no other words were spoken, for all coherent thought had fled.

Insecurities can hinder emotional growth, but when you have someone going through the same experience, it’s easier to cope with a kindred spirit–and reap the benefits.